Writing Analytically 7.2

1. This thesis makes no real claim about environmental or economic protection. It focuses on both as a whole, and just states that the issue “remains critical.” The thesis does not lead the paper in any particular direction, so nothing can really be resolved in writing the rest of the paper about why resolving the issue between environmental and economic protection is critical. The rest of the paragraph, however, sets up a definite contrast that can easily be debated.

Despite the concerns over preventing global warming, industries must expand to stimulate the American economy.

2. This thesis seems to have personal conviction in the claim. The claim puts women behind men in a corporate “race,” and assumes that executive positions require a lack of compassion. The thesis has a point, but is weakened in its wordiness and weak verbs. To "keep up" with competition is vague, and does not make a specific claim. Overall, the thesis seems more like an attack on women than an analysis.

Women are less likely to gain executive positions, because corporations believe that women are too compassionate to uphold the corporations' interests.