Writing Analytically 7.2

From Katherine Su:

Writing Analytically, 7.2
1. Pros : The transition into the thesis statement is good, summing up the
two arguments being made in. Uses the word “despite” and “while” to set up
a typically good thesis structure. Presents the specific dilemma
accurately and concisely.

Cons: Makes no claim, nothing that needs to be further proved. Uses a lot
of nouns rather than verbs, no direction. Sums up the introductory
paragraph, doesn’t truly provide a compelling argument. It’s basically a
statement of fact. The first part of the sentence says “despite both
legitimate claims,…” however the second part is just reiterating the two
legitimate claims.

While both claims are legitimate, the issue of protecting the environment
will long outlive the problems of our current economy, but maintaining a
proper balance to both is key a successful future.

2. Pros: It makes a claim. Presents its argument clearly, introduces the
subject of the argument in the very beginning, uses “corporate view” to
try to seem like it is not a personal opinion.

Cons: It is, however, obviously a personal statement, based completely off
of the female stereotype in society. The beginning phrase is unnecessary
(“Regarding the….”), overall sentence is convoluted. “Losing the race”
isn’t quite the best phrase of choice.

As powerful firms promote people into top executive positions, gender
stereotypes are being used against women, claiming that a woman’s
compassion makes her less of a candidate.